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How do you write about the most difficult thing you have walked through in your professional life? This is what I am going to attempt to do as I reboot the Leadership Clubhouse. I started The Leadership Clubhouse to offer encouragement and insight to other leaders after my two decades of leading in churches. But in the summer of 2024 I entered into the most difficult season of my professional life. Eventually I stopped writing for The Leadership Clubhouse, because I began to doubt that I had anything to offer any leader as the church I served was thrown into chaos and confusion. The kind of situation that, if I am being honest with you, I thought lesser leaders found themselves in. I faced accusations and attacks from members in my church. People that I had being ministering with and to for close to a decade turned against me in what felt like an overnight flip of the switch. The church felt deeply divided between those who wanted to support me and those who wanted to destroy me. It felt so uncomfortable and kind of shameful. I had always assumed that good pastors didn’t allow situations like this to develop. Our lay leaders wrestled with how to move forward. How to support their pastor, speak truth to lies, but also be peacekeepers between these two different factions that had developed. I didn’t envy the situation they found themselves in by any means. This was not the dream, not the vision, not the hope I had for the church. I was shattered and the church was shattered. The stress landed me in the hospital with a bowel obstruction in September of that year. I began to wonder to myself, at what point do I need to walk away when the personal attacks are affecting my physical health. Do you ever walk away? I mean, look at what Jesus went through for us. Was I going to let one hospitalization cause me to walk away from the church. Why was I going to stay? The future was uncertain. Fear was rampant. Was there something else I could do to support my family? Was I done with ministry? I felt empty as far as having anything left to offer anyone as a pastor. I felt like a failure and man is that a haunting feeling. Eventually there was an opportunity that came along that gave us hope. Kristi had just recently started a new job and our youngest was graduating high school in June of 2025 and preparing to attend Corban University in Salem in the fall so moving was really not on the table. Not that they wouldn’t have understood but I was determined to not uproot my family again. So this opportunity was a unique blend of location, purpose and timing. As much as our leadership at Salt Creek had sought to bring peace and restoration within the church the hurt I was carrying was immense and I needed healing. Sometimes when you are a leader in the Kingdom of God you have to step back from the front lines and do some reflection, healing, and restoration in your own life. That’s where I was at. This opportunity we found would allow me to do just that. So in July of 2025 I joined the staff of Emmanuel Bible Church in Salem as their Administrator. I was able to continue to serve in ministry just not with the same level of pressure and responsibility. In the future I will write more about this and the lessons I have been learning in this new role but for this article I am seeking to acknowledge the experience of having a ministry fall apart around you as the leader. Here are four lessons I learned from having a ministry shattered and broken: 1. As a pastor the success of your church does not solely rise and fall on your shoulders. I believe one of the misperceptions that was born out of the church growth movement of the 80s and 90s was that everything rises and falls on one leader. This idea comes from the corporate world and doesn’t belong in pastoral theology or ecclesiology. The New Testament speaks of concepts such as the Elders of the Church, the Spiritual Gifts of every believer, the various roles in the Body of Christ, the necessity of each person in their role, and the priesthood of believers. As someone who came up in ministry on the heels of the popularity of the likes of Rick Warren and Bill Hybels, I was unduly influenced in my understanding of leadership. I created unrealistic expectations for myself and my church. I bought into the lie that if I could be enough my church would be successful and grow. The reality is that for sustained long term healthy church growth it takes mature Elders and leaders throughout the church. 2. You are more than your ministry and more than your title. I always knew this to be true and I thought that I lived my life based on this truth, but once I stepped away from the role and title of Lead Pastor only then did I realize how much it shaped who I was. I had to rediscover God’s Word for me not just for my church. I had to admit that I found self-worth in the position and title. That I liked being referred to as Pastor David. Now that the role and title is gone am I any less than I was? Nope. My role in the kingdom may have changed but my gifting and heart are still the same. So remember that you bring so much more to the table than your role and your title. 3. Listen to the voices of those who love the real you not just the professional you. One of the most disorienting things about pastoral ministry is knowing who you can and who you cannot trust. People want to know their pastor, but for some of them they want you to be their idea of their pastor and not your true self. There are those who know the true you and love you just as you are. Those are the voices you have to tune your heart to. My counselor was a huge blessing in this season as well as other pastors who knew me well. I would not have survived that season had I not listened to the voice of my wife. I am a firm believer that God gifts our spouse to be exactly the person we need as a covenant partner. Her ability to speak truth into a situation when I was doubting myself and what was and wasn’t true gave me strength when I had none. 4. God is not done writing your story . What may feel like a failure to you is never a failure in God’s eyes. God is still at work in your story. He is redeeming your mistakes and he is healing your wounds. I don’t know what your season of being shattered looks like. Was it personal sin, professional failure, physical illness? No matter what cast you into a season of life an ministry feeling shattered I can confidently tell you that God is not done writing your story. “We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28 CSB. The story may not look how you thought it would look but thanks to God’s sovereign wisdom it will look better than you could imagine
In a previous article titled “ Six lies we tell ourselves as pastors (sometimes) ” I wrote that one of the lies we tell ourselves is that "I am not good enough. Why is that? Where does this come from? What contributes to it? This article attempts to identify the 5 major roots of pastoral inadequacy and how to help you grow beyond them. 1. Unrealistic Expectations: Setting extremely high standards in preaching, counseling, and community involvement can lead to feelings of inadequacy when those expectations aren't met. I am not trying to advocate for having low expectations but we do need to be realistic when it comes to our expectations for ourselves. For most of us, we are the only pastor in the church and we have to be reasonably good at a wide variety of tasks. However, we are not going to be great at everything. No one person is gifted in everything. So get some good honest feedback on what you are and what you are not doing well. You may be surprised at the feedback you get. Lean into your strengths and do what you can to get help in your weaknesses. If you are able to hire staff to support you in your weaknesses then great. Or maybe there are some key volunteers that can pick up the slack. However you address it, the first step is to give yourself permission to not be the best at everything. That is just not realistic. 2. Spiritual Warfare: The enemy’s whispers of failure and doubt can deeply affect pastors, making them question their calling and abilities. For some of us, we would probably argue that this should be the first one on the list. We know there is an enemy at work against the Kingdom of God and as we lead outposts of God’s Kingdom it just makes sense that the enemy is going to seek to discourage and tear us down. We need to do the same thing that we would counsel others to do in these moments. Return to the truth of God’s Word and allow it to replace the lies of the enemy we are believing. Remember God’s calling and gifting. Remember the fruit he produces in and through your ministry. Focus on what God is doing in your midst. 3. Isolation: Feeling isolated without a close support network or the pressure to maintain a perfect image can lead to self-doubt. This one is so real it is almost painful. According to Lifeway Research approximately 68% of pastors are either frequently or sometimes lonely. The social isolation that can come with leadership, especially leadership in the local Church, can majorly contribute to feelings of inadequacy. It also means fewer people are speaking encouragement and truth into our lives. God uses friendships and mentors to keep pouring his truth and grace into us. When we lack that input, we are even more susceptible. Try getting involved with your local ministerial association. If you are part of a conference or network of churches, reach out and try to connect with like-minded pastors. Chances are they are struggling too. You may have to take a risk in this, but the reward will be worth it. 4. Criticism and Opposition: Constant criticism or opposition from within the congregation or external sources can wear down a pastor’s confidence. From early childhood, we learn how to see ourselves through the comments and feedback that we receive from other individuals. If others are telling us we are smart we will develop an identity of being a good student. The same is true if we are raised in a constantly negative environment. If we hear that we are not good enough all the time we will begin to believe it. As adults, we are not immune to the way this works. When we are working in negative and critical environments it is extremely difficult to maintain a positive outlook towards ourselves as well as our performance. We are not saying there is no place for constructive criticism. There absolutely is. But criticism that focuses on who we are as people, our core identity rather than our job performance just tears us down and helps no one. I had a friend who pastored in the same community as I did on the outer coast of Washington State. We were talking about the negative comments we receive at times and he said that he had a church member who told him that she didn’t like the sound of his voice. Now I am not sure how someone is supposed to improve upon the sound of their voice. This kind of criticism is just intended to cause hurt and is not helpful. Work on filtering out the negativity. Invite your board or secretary to filter the emails, letters, or comments you are receiving and only pass on what is helpful. Find a way to limit the access that the negative people will have to your heart and soul. Establish boundaries to protect yourself. For example, a good boundary I was taught is to not receive anonymous criticism. If a church member doesn’t care enough about you to let them know who it is coming from then it isn’t going to be worth your time to read it or consider it. 5. Emotional and Mental Health Challenges: Dealing with stress, anxiety, or depression can affect a pastor's sense of self-worth, exacerbating feelings of inadequacy. I know that there are varying opinions as to the validity of emotional health and mental health challenges. I am of the opinion that sin has affected our bodies in such a way that our brain chemistry is affected as well. If we pay attention to our physical health and take medications and treatments for physical ailments it should be no different for emotional or mental health issues. The Fuller Institute of Church Growth conducted a survey in 1991 with follow-ups in 2005 and 2006 which found that 70%of pastors have lower self esteem now than they had prior to entering the ministry. That statistic is very alarming. If you are not talking with someone, in addition to your spouse, about the state of your emotional or mental health then you should be. The stakes are too high. Not saying that all of us need professional counseling, although I believe anyone can benefit from the skill set of a counselor. I am simply saying you need to pay attention to your emotional and mental health. Be honest with yourself. Ask your spouse or children what they are seeing. Invite trusted friends into your inner spaces.
1. I am not good enough This lie comes in a variety of shapes and sizes. I am not gifted enough. I am not skilled enough. I am not holy enough. You get the idea. This lie of self-doubt is particularly a favorite of our enemy who is the father of lies (John 8:44). The truth is that none of us are good enough or any of those ‘enoughs’ on our own. But we are not on our own. We have the Spirit of God who has gifted us and chooses and delights to use us to build up the Kingdom of God. Paul declared that it is in our weakness that God’s strength is seen (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). So if Paul is correct we need not be concerned with our weaknesses. Remember that God knows your weaknesses and he knew it before he ever called you into ministry. Success in pastoral ministry is not about whether or not you are good enough but it is all about being faithful to the call from the only one who is good enough. 2. The growth of my church depends on me. There are so many issues in this lie it is hard to know where to start. First of all, it is not your church. The church is the bride of Christ. He purchased her with his own blood and has prepared the wedding feast for his bride when he returns for her. The church belongs to the Lord Jesus Christ. Second, Jesus is the one who declared that he will build His church (Matthew 16:18). Yes, he delights to use us and to work through us but that reality extends beyond that of pastors. I have known many good dedicated and gifted pastors who have churches that are not growing. It takes more than the pastor to grow a church. How is the music? Are the people friendly? Is anyone inviting nonbelievers? As much as church growth depends on us as God’s people it depends on everyone in the congregation. Are there things you might be doing as a pastor to discourage growth, sure. Ask some hard questions and make some changes based on what you learn. But is it all on your shoulders? No! 3. If I were more like then I would be more successful. The comparison game is a dangerous game. It leads us to a false sense of self every single time. Either we think we don’t measure up or we think we are somehow better than the other pastor down the road. It is all a matter of perspective. People will show up at your church and tell you how much better you are than so and so across town. Other people in your church will complain and tell you that you should be more like this other pastor in the next town over where their friend goes to church. Listen, you are you. Can you learn from others? Sure. Do you know a pastor who is doing a great job? Invite them out to lunch and pick their brain. But don’t try to be them. Learn from them but be yourself. Another great way to avoid falling into the comparison game is to be friends with the other pastors in your community. As you get to know each other you will discover that you all have pretty similar fears and concerns about your churches and your families. Everyone is trying to do their best and nobody wins when we fall into the comparison game. 4. My congregation just doesn’t get it. I am thinking about when we are casting vision and seeking to build a particular culture within our church. Now this can be a bit tricky. Will there be some people who just don’t get it? Meaning they don’t agree with your vision or they don’t want the culture you are seeking to build. If you are pastoring an established church then yes there probably will be some like that. But that is generally the minority. The majority of your congregation wants to get on board with your vision. They are there, or are still there, because they like you. As the primary communicator in your church it is up to you to communicate the vision and help them to understand what you are seeking to build in the church. If you are frustrated try communicating it differently. Get one on one with people. Explain the vision. Help them to get it. So yes some may never get it and may end up leaving. But most want to and it is your job to communicate it which means if they still aren’t getting it then the problem is likely not with them. 5. If I just preach the Bible my church will grow. I remember hearing this one from a good friend years ago. This one is prolific in the halls of conservative evangelical seminaries. Now don’t get me wrong there is no replacement for solid biblical preaching in the local church. It is foundational to what the church is about. How are we to be the people of Jesus if we do not know His Word? But the reality is that many other factors come into play when we are talking about church growth. Depending on where you are at there are likely several good Bible preaching churches within a short drive of the people who choose to come to your church. So with so many good Bible preaching options why do people pick your church versus a different one? If there was a one size fits all answer to that question I would sell a lot more books! So preach the word but do the other work as well. Care for the sheep. Invite the community. Build a good culture. Create engaging worship environments. Care for the children. So many aspects to building a good healthy church. 6. I can’t trust others to do their job. Pastors are notorious micromanagers. This is especially challenging when you are pastoring a smaller church and there is no one else on staff. Although I have heard paid church staff members complain about being micro-managed as well. This lie often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you have a bent towards not trusting others to get the job done and you micro-manage or take over the task for them, the next time they will put even less effort into getting it done because they are assuming that no matter how hard they work you will just step in and take it over. So eventually you cannot trust anyone, not because they are untrustworthy but because you as the leader have trained them not to put in the effort and that you will just bail them out and then get mad at them later. Try trusting others to get the job done and then actually let them do the job and see how their confidence soars. And guess what? Your productivity will soar too because you no longer have to do their jobs for them.
On a recent trip to Sacramento, I encountered an unusually helpful shuttle bus driver. I had dropped off my rental car and boarded the shuttle bus from the rental car center to get to the terminal. I have gone through this process numerous times in a variety of airports and you get used to the same old drill. A driver that is not particularly passionate about their job and only helpful if they absolutely have to be. So to me, this driver stood out as I observed him performing his duties. At first, the level of information and helpfulness seemed unnecessary and almost annoying. But then I realized there were a few lessons I could take away from this driver. 1) There are no small tasks, only small attitudes – I have never met anyone who has ever set their goal in life to be a rental car shuttle bus driver. I would imagine this is why so many of the individuals in positions such as these often perform the job without much attention to detail or helpfulness to their passengers. This driver did not allow the seemingly smallness of this job to negatively affect his attitude or job performance. 2) There is no such thing as overcommunication. – This was the first thing that threw me off about this driver. As we approached the terminal he told his passengers step by step what they were going to need to do in order to navigate the airport. My initial reaction was that it was a little unnecessary for surely people would be able to navigate the airport without his instructions. But then it occurred to me that there was probably someone on the bus who benefited from the additional directions and instructions. What might seem like overcommunication to one person is quite possibly exactly what another individual needs. 3) Serve first, and ask permission later. – It is rather common for passengers to load their own luggage in these shuttle buses. Most drivers will help with the occasional elderly passenger or help when the bus is getting a bit crowded and space for bags is getting hard to find. Rarely do you find a driver who jumps at the opportunity to help someone load or unload his or her bags. Especially those who are physically capable of handling their own bags. Just because not everyone doesn’t need you to serve them doesn’t mean it is noticed or appreciated. Sure you might annoy someone by being overly helpful but would you rather apologize for being too helpful or for ignoring a need or opportunity to serve? 4) Everyone you serve deserves your best. – This driver was part of my day for about 15 minutes. Each round trip probably took him close to 30 minutes with loading and unloading. This means he could do about 16 round trips in an 8 hour shift. He had no idea who was and who wasn’t on his bus each of those shifts. Did they deserve his best that day. Whether or not his passengers or customers received his best had absolutely nothing to do with their attitude or what they did or did not deserve. To serve and give your best has everything to do with your own character and commitments. 5) You will never fully know the impact of your actions – I would imagine if I were to encounter this shuttle bus driver and tell him that he inspired me to write this article, he would be quite shocked. Why? Because he wasn’t looking to inspire someone on his shift. He was just taking care of his passengers and doing his job well. Little did he know that there would be a leadership article written about his performance. In this same way you as a pastor will never fully appreciate the impact of your actions, words, and ministry.
Previously I dropped an article titled 7 reasons you should stay at your church. You can read that article here . One fear that I had in putting that article out there was that those who needed to leave a church would feel that I was being critical of them. So let me clarify, while I think there are strong reasons to stay at your church long-term I am not saying that you should never move to a different church. After all, those who know me know that I have done that a couple of times, and sometimes it is just necessary. Like I said in the other article, there are many emotions involved in the decision process but at the end of the day there are some important reasons that factor into the decision. So here are my 7 reasons you should leave your church. 1. The church is toxic – Unfortunately there are just some churches that have such unhealthy patterns of behavior and ways that they treat one another that the best word for it is toxic. Maybe you knew it going in or maybe you discovered it over time but now you are in it and you are not sure if you will survive. Some churches have allowed unhealthy lay leaders to run things and the problems run so deep that you cannot change them no matter how hard you try. If you can stick it out then fine, but I have seen too many good pastors leave the ministry because of toxic churches. It might just be time to go. 2. Your family is struggling – Is your family flourishing? Is your spouse finding joy in where you are at? Do your children have friends? If they are in school is a good fit? Does your family enjoy going to church? These are all important questions for us to ask. They aren’t the only questions but they are part of the matrix of making a decision of whether to stay or to go. If you find yourself in a situation where your spouse or children refuse to be a part of the church because of hurts or issues within the body you need to take that seriously. Or maybe there are ways your family is withdrawing from the community or school and a change is needed for their good. Important considerations. 3. Wrong community fit – Years ago I was interviewing for a lead pastor position in the Bay Area. At the time I was serving as an Associate Pastor in a very small and remote community in Eastern Oregon. At the end of the day the church decided to go with a different candidate because they felt that I would not connect well in a large city context. Honestly, at the time I felt offended at the suggestion that I could not do ministry in a larger city. But now looking at the trajectory of my life and ministry I can see God’s hand in it. Whether it is regional differences, cultural differences, or urban/rural, there are issues here we need to pay attention to. Based on your experiences you will experience a better community fit in some places compared to others. 4. Personal health issues – Is your spiritual, emotional, and psychological health struggling? Do you need to step away from ministry, even if just for a season, to get healthy again? Are there issues in your own formation or relationships that are negatively affecting you? Pastoring is demanding in many different ways and it has a way of exposing spiritual, emotional, and psychological issues in our lives. It is important to take care of yourself. You cannot effectively minister when you are totally emotionally and spiritually depleted. 5. Others are telling you to go – I shared the same point on my reasons to stay; the counsel of others. Hopefully, we all have trusted people in our lives that can help us discern these difficult decisions. So as you wrestle with the reasons you are considering leaving get input from others. What do they see and hear? Invite them into the process. 6. Lack of Vision – Do you have a sense as to why God has you where you are at? Maybe you did when you accepted the call to the church but now you aren’t so sure. Maybe you have led faithfully for a couple of decades and you now realize someone else needs to bring a fresh vision to the church. Vision is essential to leadership and if you don’t know where you are going as a church it is impossible to take the church anywhere. 7. Financial Strain – Finances are a reality for everyone and as a leader and provider for your family you do need to make sure that they are provided for. This doesn’t mean you are not trusting in God for his provision but that you are taking seriously God’s command to provide for his family. For some people, this means that you become co-vocational to make ends meet but the reality is that not every church is ok with that. Quite frankly some churches believe that their pastor and his family can live on next to nothing while expecting full-time work.
One of the most difficult decisions we ever make as pastors is when we are deciding if we are to stay or move on to a new church. I have been through this process a few times and learned some lessons along the way. Discerning God’s leading in this matter is not easy. There are issues of pride, ambition, self-confidence, money, success, gifting, kingdom impact, platform, family needs that can all play into it. And that is just the beginning. Trust me I have felt all of those in the various decisions that I have made when it comes to accepting a call somewhere or turning down a call or invitation to candidate somewhere. I know in different tribes the question of pastors changing churches is handled differently so let me share a little with you how the tribe I come from handles it. I have pastored in Baptist churches that are self-governing so they all go through their own process of calling a new pastor. The typical process is that a church posts an opening; receives resumes from potential candidates; and following interviews selects an applicant to candidate and then the congregation votes on whether or not to extend a call to this candidate. It is generally frowned upon in our tribe to approach a pastor about an opening who is already serving in a church. It can happen but it is rare. So whether you are in a denomination that assigns you to a church or in a tribe more like mine what are the reasons you should stay or stick it out in your current congregation (If you have that option)? 1. Pastoral longevity generally produces healthier churches. There is a direct correlation between established trust and the length of time a pastor has effectively shepherded a church. Sure the honeymoon phase is great because everyone is so excited to have you there and no one says anything negative yet but that isn’t trust. Trust is established by going through challenges together. Showing up faithfully week in and week out. Trust allows you to truly speak into the lives of those you are discipling. Churches with high levels of trust are healthier churches. 2. Stability is good for your family – I became convinced of this after a very difficult move we made as a family. The move was made for a variety of reasons but it took a heavy toll on our family. It was a root of bitterness for two of my children as well as a source of conflict in our marriage for a couple of years. Thankfully we were able to work through it and are now in a better place as a family. One of your roles as the spiritual leader in your family is to create a stable environment where your family can flourish and if you are uprooting your children every 2-3 years this is quite difficult. I have often pondered if the constant movement of pastors from church to church is one of the reasons why so many pastors’ kids have abandoned the faith. 3. Knowing your community opens doors for the Gospel – The longer you stay established in a community and build up a good reputation the more opportunities you will have to share the Gospel. Most people today want genuine relationships and community with you before giving you any opportunity to share about Jesus with them. It just takes time to get established in a community or neighborhood. If you have been welcomed into a community and have relationships that foster spiritual conversations why would you leave that behind? That is not easy to find. 4. Genuine friendships take time to form – I believe pastors can and should have friends in the local congregation. Friendship is one of those gifts from God that helps us grow in our faith. Real friends are those we allow to know the real us and they accept us even though we have our flaws. Pastors who never have people they can be real with, never experience genuine friendship, and miss out on one of God’s best gifts for us. For more thoughts on developing friendships in your congregation as a pastor you can read this article . But for this post what I want to remind you of is that it takes time to experience real friendship and real friendship is a gift from God. 5. Others are telling you to stay – One of the lessons I have learned along the way is how much I need a community to help me discern God’s leading. My personal ambition and pride gets in the way far to easily and I need others who know me and care about me and family to help me discern. I would encourage you to find those people in your life. I would hope that you have Elders in your church who can be that for you. If not the Elders you serve with at least some respected leaders in your tribe whom you know. Be honest about the reasons you are sensing a need to move on. The good the bad and the ugly. If you don’t have people like this you can trust then dig in an develop those friendships so that you will have them. We all need those people. 6. God brought you there for a reason – Have you discovered why God brought you to your current church? What is it about your unique gifting that led God to place you where you are? If you cannot clearly answer those questions then I would strongly encourage you to lean into that because I think there is more for you to do where you are. Get some outside counsel and assessment. God doesn’t make mistakes in the calling, you are there for a reason. 7. Financial Stability – Let's just be honest about this. Most of the time the longer we stay in a church the better our financial situation is going to be. Especially for those who are supported full-time by the church. If the church has been providing cost of living increases or maybe some raises along the way chances are that you may go backward financially if you make a change. Also if you are a homeowner the longer you can pay down that mortgage and build equity that is to your advantage as well. Moving can be an expensive venture.
The other day I came across a post on a pastor's forum from a lay leader at a church who was asking other pastors for advice on how to help their own pastor feel like they have genuine fellowship and friendships within the church. There were already a few solid responses but I felt led to comment on the post. The question of can the pastor experience real friendships in the local church does not have a universally agreed-upon answer. Several of my mentors over the years have shared with me about how they were cautioned against developing friendships within the local church. They were encouraged to maintain relational distance, be professionals, and seek friendships outside their local church. I believe that this mindset led to a great disconnect between pastors and their congregations and we have begun to wake up to the reality that pastors have relational needs that are best met in their local church. Not to the exclusion of friendships outside the church, but to avoid developing friendships within the church is to short-circuit an aspect of discipleship that is desperately needed. So how can a pastor go about creating and fostering genuine friendships in the church? 1) Stay put – Friendships do not happen overnight, they take time to develop. The constant reshuffling of pastors over the decades has not helped pastors develop friendships. Thom Rainer states in his article on churchanswers.com that the average length of a pastoral tenure in America is 3 4 years. No wonder so many pastors report feeling alone. 3-4 years is hardly enough time to develop meaningful friendships. I have to confess that I have not done a great job in this area. Even though I am almost at year 10 in my current church, the average tenure for me over my roughly 23 years of full time ministry is just under 6 years. 2) Be yourself – There is a great temptation to hide our true selves from those in our congregations and only allow them to see a carefully curated public persona of who we are. This is often done because of fear that if our churches saw the real us then there is no way they would accept us, let alone allow us to lead. This of course doesn’t happen immediately. As we connect with people we begin to show them the different parts of our lives and personalities. We do this as we begin to feel safe with people. It is a natural process that we must embrace as pastors. 3) Be a friend – As a pastor, you will most often be in the power position in any relationship within the church. As such it will be up to you to set the tone for those relationships. So often we treat those in our churches as projects or religious products we are working on. No wonder they don’t respond with friendship. We have to set a tone of friendship towards others. Treat them as people. Care for them and their families. Remember their names. Engage in their activities. Ask questions about their lives. 4) Notice safety – Safe people are a gift from the Lord. As a pastor, safe people are those who know that you are a real human being. That you are not perfect but are redeemed and in the process of being restored. They understand your family is flawed but worthy of love and care just like every other family in the church. If you have struggled with friendships in the church, lean into the safe people in your church. 5) Create space – Do you have space in your life for friendships? Friendships are generally built around shared interests and activities. Do you enjoy hobbies and activities that can be shared with others? Do others know what you do for fun and recreation? Are you all work and no play? If you are all work then you will struggle to develop genuine friendships. You can end up with work “friends” but not real friends.
As a leader some of my best moments and some of my worst moments have come in board meetings. I have also had seasons of life where I looked forward to board meetings and then seasons of life where I didn’t really want to go to any board meetings. Through it all I have learned a few things about successfully navigating board meetings. Below are 6 steps you can take to hopefully experience better board meetings. 1. Pray – Spiritual leadership requires spiritual discipline. As leaders, we must remember that God wants our church or ministry to succeed far more than we do. So, one of the things we must do is to invite the Holy Spirit into those spaces. Board meetings are intensely spiritual and need to be entered into as a spiritual exercise. This means more than just opening and closing the board meeting time in prayer. As you prepare for the board meeting, you need to pray over the agenda and the issues your team is wrestling with. What is God putting on your hearts? Where is He leading your ministry? 2. Prepare – Remember that an enemy is at work against your ministry, so you must prepare for your meetings like you would for battle. Don’t misunderstand, your board is not your adversary. If you approach board meetings like the board is your adversary then there are some serious issues going on in your church or ministry. We prepare for the meetings because the meetings matter. Your board members sacrifice time and energy for these meetings. Your preparation honors their sacrifice. I try to meet with my board chair in advance of the meeting. We go over the agenda and minutes from the previous meeting to make sure we are on track with our progress. When we introduce new issues or challenges I research and prepare so I can speak intelligently into the issue. If you don’t prepare you run the risk of wasting a meeting and setting your organization back. 3. Relationship – Good board meetings don’t start when you enter into the board room. Just like you have to prepare both spiritually and mentally you also have to put in the relational work. Spend time with your board members outside the board room. Get a cup of coffee, grab lunch, or play a round of golf together. The more you can build a relationship with your board members outside of the board room the more you can build trust inside the board room. 4. Trust – Trust is essential for good board meetings. Trust allows you to engage together at a deeper level than just the issues or the information at hand. It allows you to wrestle with why something matters. Why are we bothered by an issue? Why does something matter to us so much? These types of questions can only be addressed when there is a high level of trust in the room. So, how do you gain trust as a board? Doing the things we have already discussed will go a long way to developing the trust you want to see. Honoring each person's commitment and input will also build trust in the boardroom. It takes time, but leading the right way is worth the investment and will grow trust within your team. Remember it takes time and effort to gain trust but it is very easy to lose it. 5. Communicate – Board meetings cannot function without communication. Communication, good communication takes time. In good board meetings, everyone will contribute to the conversation. You may need to invite some of your quieter members to share their thoughts. It is important to get all of that communication out into the open in the meeting. Especially if that communication brings with it a dissenting opinion. To come to good decisions as a leadership team you need all the different opinions and information on that table. Only once the team has sorted through all of it can the team own the decision 6. Execute – The last step that makes for good board meetings happens after the board meeting. You have to execute the decisions and commitments made in the meeting effectively. This requires that everyone on the board agrees with the decision once the meeting is over. Even those who were opposed in the meeting have to support the decision in order for the board to move forward. Additionally, there is the matter of following through on the commitments that each of you made in the meeting. Whether those commitments are further research, follow-up meetings, or writing policy. Nothing is more demoralizing to a board than individuals who don’t follow through on the commitments they made in a meeting.
Recently the evangelical churches in the community where I pastor held a community-wide worship service in the local high school football stadium. It was the third year that we have held such an event. I bring this up because it made for me a very different week of work and preparation. Like for many of you my week centers around preparing to preach the word of God to my congregation on Sunday morning. Many decisions have to be made to prepare the message and coordinate the other elements of the service. However, this week in particular I didn’t have to do any of that. I had a very small role in the community-wide worship service, and I was reflecting on how strange it felt to not be in charge of the service. How, when you are constantly in charge you get used to that role and how it can be disorienting to not be in charge of something. That morning as we were preparing for the community-wide service one of the other pastors and I were reflecting on this phenomenon and how it is good for us to not be in charge sometimes and it helps us maintain perspective. That conversation got me thinking about what do we do in life to maintain perspective as leaders. Here are four things you can do as a leader to maintain perspective. Work or volunteer somewhere outside your church or organization – This practice has multiple benefits for us as leaders. First, you can observe how things are done in another ministry or organization. Second, you are likely not in charge, so you will be reminded of what it means for someone else to make decisions. Next, if you are serving as a volunteer, it gives you a better appreciation for the sacrifices of volunteers serving in your church or organization. Lastly, it makes you more relatable and allows you to connect with people outside your normal sphere of influence. Get involved with local or national networks and associations – This is another way to connect with others beyond your local church. If your church is already part of a network or conference of churches then all you need to do is to lean into those connections and start participating. If you are in a non-denominational church, chances are you would benefit greatly from building relationships with other churches and leaders. You will be exposed to different ideas and ministry practices. Build relationships with other leaders whom you have some level of disagreement with but whom you know and respect as leaders and followers of Jesus. This helps to foster a Kingdom perspective and a more Global perspective for you as a leader. Get to know your neighbors – Often in pastoral or ministry leadership we find ourselves surrounded by other followers of Jesus who share our perspectives. Getting to know our neighbors who do not follow Jesus helps us to maintain the perspective that not everyone thinks the same as we do. As you get to know your neighbors you will learn that they have fears and concerns, hopes and dreams, just as you do. Learn how to be with them as a person, not as a pastor or a leader but just as a person. Listen to what others have to say – This may seem so basic it is almost worth not mentioning but there is a danger in leadership to not listening. As leaders, we are in charge so often and we are paid to make decisions, have opinions, and know what to do that we can easily forget that the best idea may be from one of our team members. The perspective to maintain here is that you don’t always have the answers nor are you expected to always have the answers. Good leaders are good leaders not because they always have the answers but because they know where to get the answers.
Whether in leadership, life, or on the golf course we all know what it is like to “feel just not quite right.” To feel off-center or “out of whack.” The reality of life is that it isn’t just a matter of if but when this will happen to you. And then the question becomes what steps do you take to return to being you? In golf or sport, we often have certain practice routines that get us back to the basics. So I began to ask myself, what are the basics of pursuing God, living in Christ, and leading His Church? As I was reflecting on this, the Lord brought three practices to mind. 1. Reestablish Spiritual Practices. – I have often found that when I get off center as a pastor and leader I can look at my daily life and rhythms and recognize that I have become lazy about my spiritual practices. Getting back into good rhythms of prayer and time in the Scriptures is an important way to calm my soul and realign my thinking with what God wants to do. Otherwise, I find myself overwhelmed with my fears and anxieties over the demands of leadership. 2. Lean into community – Who are the friends God has put in your life that serve as a refuge for you in times of trouble? Those friends whom you can tell anything to and you know they will be there for you and not abandon you. Reach out to them. Make time in your schedule. In the same way that you can look at your schedule and notice the absence of spiritual practices when life gets overwhelming, you will most likely see a lack of community as well. If you are struggling right now make a list of three friends that you can reach out to and then make those calls or send those texts. 3. Pay attention to Self Care – This could simply be getting rest or possibly the need for recreation (did I hear the word golf?). In all seriousness though we need to take care of ourselves. Leadership, especially spiritual leadership, is a stressful endeavor. Take a look at your schedule. When was the last time you had a day off? When was the last time you enjoyed your hobby? Do you even have a hobby? Or could the situation be a little more serious? Are you overdue for an annual physical with your doctor? Are you keeping up on your medications as necessary? Taking care of yourself isn’t an option when you are a leader; it is part of the responsibility you have for your community and your family to be well so that they can thrive under your leadership.